To Nanny or Not To Nanny?

Monday, August 30, 2010

I am crazy.

For the past two months I have talked about how stretched and strained I am. Getting up at 5 a.m., writing my second novel, working on blog posts, managing freelance assignments, squeezing in workouts on top of moving/settling in to a new town, running a household and taking care of jolly but busy toddler. It’s a lot. I feel it.

So when the opportunity presents itself where I can get some help—put an end to this merry-go-round that I know is not sustainable—why am I flip-flopping like a pair of Havaianas?

After a long and in no way fun process, we found a part-time nanny for our son. Let’s call her Jane.

Jane seems very warm and friendly, sweet and patient, responsible and attentive, and all the good things you would want in someone who is helping to care for your child.  She would work about four hours a day, in the morning, so I can have that dedicated time to get my work done. Then I would take back the reins in the afternoon.

Sounds like an easy enough plan, right? It should to me, I came up with it.

The issue that has surfaced recently (from where, I have no real clue) is this: my son is a lot of fun and I don’t know if I want to give up hanging out with him for four hours every weekday.

The thing is, I really like QB. Of course I love him, but I’m saying that I like him, especially at this age (16-18 months). He makes me laugh—loud and long. We read, play, run, giggle, sing, dance, and give each other countless hugs and kisses.

And I just love it.

Then, after lunch, QB takes a good, hearty nap. It’s crucial office hours for me, when he sleeps. It’s been working out. I mean, I cram lots into those sleep hours, but it’s working.

The way it would go with Jane is she would hang with QB until nap time. I would see him for three or four hours post nap. But that’s the evening block: dinner time, chill/digest time, story time, bath time, bed time. We’d still hang and have fun, but it’s a bit different as we wind down the day.

I’m aware that you can’t have the cake and the cupcake and the ice cream sundae all at once in life, but I’m still feeling conflicted about this. I’m actually thinking, Hey, maybe I could continue working this way. Keep the merry-go-round turning, man. I ain’t getting off!

I know … I already said it. I am crazy.

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