Nerves of Steel? Nah, More Like Mush

Monday, February 27, 2012

agita.  \AJ-uh-tuh\

noun

: a feeling of agitation or anxiety

Or, in simpler terms … me, RIGHT THIS MINUTE!

I’ve been a bubbling pot of agita for weeks now. It’s become my default state. I was tempted to write about it earlier, but my nerves were too jangled to even do that. And when I tell you why I’ve been perturbed, you’ll probably say something akin to, “Pshaw! Why worry? It’ll be fine.”

My husband and I are heading off to Europe for a grand birthday excursion next month. But we’re leaving The Youngster at home. For over a week.

Stomach, commence knot-making.

Photo credit: BYUTV.org

Here’s the thing: I do know and believe that it’ll be fine. He’ll be fine. We’ll all be fine. But I’ve never left the young one for this long. Last time both the husband and I went away, it was for ONE night and it was a road trip to CT. No long plane ride. No time zone change. No passport. And still I was on edge. So do the math and you’ll find me over here. Uneasy like Monday morning.

Truth told, there was a point last week where I seriously considered postponing or — worse — canceling this trip. It was right after appetizers at dinner out with my husband when, nerves frayed down to the quick, I blurted out: I can’t do this!  I was going miss QB. He was going me, us, our routines. He was going be sad and mopey. I was going to be miserable and no fun on the trip. This was a bad idea, and I don’t know why I pushed myself to planning this trip in the first place.

The husband sat across from me listening, patiently, with a soft look in his eyes. (He really is a good one, that guy.)

When I finished my Henny Penny rant, I must admit, I felt somewhat foolish. I had actually been losing sleep over this. This, being a trip of a lifetime; one that I’ve been dreaming about for years. I wanted to have a word with myself. Buck up, woman! You can do this. I wanted to shake all the wobbly and bolster my confidence. I wanted to straighten my backbone and walk through this thing strong, tall. But I am what I am — a mother who loves her kid. And agita is kinda part of the deal.

It’s going to be tough on departure day. I will probably feel my heart splitting along the seams, as I remind myself that he’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. We’ll all be fine. Plus, there’s wine and cheese where we’re going. So, there’s always that.

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