Global Mamas: Germany

We’re profiling one mother from every country on the planet. (Current tally: 10 down, 182 countries to go!)

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Meet Sharmaine Lovegrove. She’s the founder of Berlin’s only specialist bookshop for new English-language books, Dialogue Books, and of Germany’s first English-language literary agency Lovegrove & Gosling. Born in South London-born, Sharmaine, 30, has a background that spans politics, literature and the arts. A diverse career path has included work in film production, literary publishing, and public relations, Her other interests include urbanism, cookery and sustainable development. Based in Berlin since February 2009, Sharmaine married in September 2010 and had her first son, Jackson, in August 2011.

Here’s her story …

Photo by Sharmaine Lovegrove

Life before baby …
We found out that we were expecting a baby shortly after Christmas 2010, a mere three months after we got married. I moved from London to Berlin in 2009, set up my bookshop and started working as a literary consultant. My life, like many people from big cities in their late twenties, was filled with great food, good wine, a range of cultural activities, and many friends.

My ideas about motherhood …
I always knew I wanted to have a family. I am quite maternal, and was always fascinated by individual growth and development. The main thing was to make sure that I was with a life partner, so I wasn’t consciously thinking about having children until I had found the man to spend my life with. Then we would, together, make the choice to have a child.

Then came baby …
The biggest change since having my son was the lack of time I had for anything outside the family home. Sending emails, answering phone calls and not thinking about anyone or anything else other than my son was a huge difference. I would not have changed it and loved my time with our son, watching his every move and tiny developments every hour during his first weeks.

The other change was the lack of mobility that I had post-pregnancy. It was a real shock, after such an easy pregnancy and short labour, just how long it took for my body to recover. Five months later, I am not even nearly close to where I was before.

The most challenging part of motherhood …
Actually, it’s not the sleepless night or even a demanding baby who loves to be held and needs lots of attention. These elements are part of what we signed up for when we decided to become parents. For me, the most challenging part of motherhood is all of the questions, constant advice and competitiveness of other parents. Sometimes the other parents make you question your own decisions and understanding of your child. This not only surprises me, but makes me sad. It’s such a wonderful and unique time that is as wonderful and unique as the people going through it.

On balancing work and life …
I went back to work as a literary consultant only six weeks after the birth of our child. I got a job that I really wanted whilst I was pregnant, and accepted before I gave birth. I was thrilled about the opportunity. Taking my baby and husband to the UK for work seemed a daunting prospect when our son was only five weeks old, but I was so proud of our little unit, how we came together and bonded through the experience.

My son and husband were in the rented apartment during the day while I went to work in an office. I loved knowing that my son was with my husband and they were forming a bond in a unique way that might have not happened if I had been there. It meant that my husband and I had a great understanding from very early on that there was not just one way of doing things, and have since really embraced other people changing our son’s nappy, feeding him and spending time playing. Actually, we have found that this encouragement of relationships with different people has allowed our son to develop into a very sociable, happy, smiley baby who loves the attention of others without looking around, worried, trying to find his parents.

I really enjoy working from home (we have staff in our Berlin bookshop) with my husband. Since we’re both self-employed, we’re able to take frequent breaks in turn to play and spend time with our child. This, of course, means that we don’t get much work done! The three of us can usually be found playing a game together at four in the afternoon. And we wouldn’t change it for anything.

I have found that my son has given me more reason to succeed in my career with the aim of making everything we desire possible. We are not a materialistic family, but we do value our time and the freedom to create those lasting experiences that mean something to us during a time that we dictate rather than what is dictated to us.

The best part about raising a child in Germany …
The German education, health and political system is fair and of a high standard. I am really proud to live in a forward-thinking part of Europe where quality of life and family are very high on the agenda.

Berliners tend to be rather eco-friendly and experimental so there are lots of home-births, doulas and support groups in German, as well as some in English. Our midwife was fantastic and offered lots of advice and support before and after the birth.

Breast-feeding in public is common practice in the city.  If anything, eyebrows are typically raised if you give your child a bottle! Someone is bound to ask you if it’s your milk you are feeding as opposed to formula.

In Berlin, I love seeing other children and their parents and how happy they seem without the stresses of other big cities like London, Paris or New York. Children have a certain freedom in Berlin, which allows them to have a great childhood without the social fears or stigmas many face in our society.

The parts I wished were different …
The only downside of having so many babies around is that everyone seems to have an opinion, and people here do speak their minds on any issue.

If we could jump into the DeLorean and race back in time …
I would tell myself, “Try to capture more of each stage, as it all goes so quickly!”

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If you’d like to nominate a first-time mother living outside of the United States to be featured here, please send an e-mail to: get[dot]msmack [at] gmail [dot] com.

Global Mamas: Malaysia

We’re profiling one mother from every country on the planet. (Current tally: 9 down, 183 countries to go!)

Meet Alison Lee. She’s the blogger behind Mama Wants This! A former public relations and marketing professional turned stay-at-home mother to her 2-year-old son “Monkey” and another baby on the way (she’s due in May), Alison rediscovered her love of writing earlier this year and started a blog. She is also a contributing writer to World Moms Blog. You can also find her on Facebook and Twitter. Alison lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband and son.

Life before baby …
I was focused on my career in marketing for an international sports company. I was ambitious and wanted to see how far I could go with them. Life was filled with work, going out with friends, traveling (for work and with my husband for leisure), and a lot of shopping — I love my clothes and my shoes!

My ideas about motherhood …
Before I got married, I didn’t really want kids. I may have even told a few people that I just couldn’t imagine myself as a mother. I had no thoughts about how many children I’d like or if I’d ever have them.

Then a year after we got married, we started talking about the possibility of having children. I’m not sure what changed my perspective — it could have been because I’d become an aunt in 2007, and fell right in love with my niece. It could have been because I was 32 then and the maternal instinct kicked in. Whatever it was, I am glad I changed my mind about not having kids.

Then came baby …
I’d quit my job just before I got pregnant with my first child, and basically spent my whole pregnancy being stress-free and carefree. I started making jewelry at a friend’s shop to pass time. I slept in whenever I liked. I had monthly facials and fortnightly manicures and pedicures. Life was simple, and frankly, self-absorbed.

When my son was born, I was plunged into the deep end of motherhood, as all new mothers are. I was neck-deep in breastfeeding almost around the clock, changing endless diapers, and extreme sleep deprivation. I  more or less lived in the same tatty T-shirts and yoga pants for months on end.

It was also a rather lonely time for me. I did not have many friends in the same situation — they were either long married with children grown or single with no inkling of what I was going through. Unfortunately, I hadn’t started blogging then, so I didn’t have online friends to reach out to either. Only when my son was about 5 months old, did I find a fellow stay-at-home mom whose son was a month younger than mine. We started meeting up weekly just to have someone to talk to, to commiserate with, to ask advice of, to just be with another adult, another mom.

The biggest change for me was probably the drastic turnaround my life took: from busy working marketing executive to stay-at-home mother.  From pretty clothes and high heels to T-shirts, yoga pants and flip flops. From flying around the world for work to going down the road for groceries. From focusing on just me to having a little human being dependent on me for everything. From living life to giving life. From having a void in my heart to overfilling with love for this person we created.

I wouldn’t change a thing.

The most challenging part of motherhood …
In the early days, it was simply summoning the energy to get through the day and still giving my son my all. As he moved into toddlerhood, there were the various challenges with weaning, meal time battles, and tantrums. Right now, it’s discipline and teaching him right from wrong.

On balancing work and life …
I’m very fortunate that I can stay at home with my son full-time, and I have no plans to go back to work anytime soon. I did consider working from home, maybe doing some freelance writing, but I haven’t really applied myself there. And I think that’s because right now I can’t commit to anything but the caring of my child (soon-to-be children).

I do blog three to four times a week and  keep my social media calendar pretty full. I balance that and family life just like any other mother would —  stealing time here and there during nap times and after the little one goes to bed. My husband is really understanding and does not begrudge my few hours online a week. I need my blog. It’s my outlet, my own little space, something that’s really mine. Writing and connecting with other mothers help keep me sane.

The best part about raising a child in Malaysia …
That we have family close by. My husband is Australian, but his parents moved to Malaysia about eight years ago, and they live five minutes away. Having them close by is a blessing. Not only do they get to watch their grandchildren grow up, but they’re also helping me with childcare. My son goes over to his grandparents for a couple of hours a day, which gives me some time to do housework, rest and, really, center myself. I believe that taking “me” time makes me a better mother.

I delivered my son in Australia in a private hospital and had a wonderful experience. The midwives were lovely and overall, I had at my fingertips all the support a new mother could possibly need. For my second child, we are planning to have him in Malaysia, and I’m hoping the experience will be just as good. By all accounts, I’ve not heard any complaints from my fellow mom friends! However, home births and doulas are not the norm here, which is a pity as I would have loved to try having a doula this time round.

The parts I wished were different …
I am pleased to note that the hospitals here do encourage breastfeeding, BUT because we are a conservative Asian country: it’s not exactly encouraged to openly breastfeed in public. There are nursing rooms available in most of the newer shopping malls, so that’s where us moms go. I have breastdfed in public, but under a nursing cover, discreetly where possible. It’s not like anyone would say something to me, but people do stare. It’s not the norm. It is what it is.

Also, in the long term, I do worry about the standard of education currently available in Malaysia. My husband and I have plans to move back to Australia or New Zealand in the near future when our kids are of school-going age. We believe in the education system there. So in the short-term, raising our small family here works, but we do have plans to move away so we can provide the best available education to our children.

Best piece of advice I ever heard …
You know your child best. If you are doing something that feels right by you and your child, then do it. Do not be deterred by what other people tell you. Listen to yourself.

If we could jump into the DeLorean and race back in time …
I would tell myself: “However hard it is now, it is all worth it. Just remember that this too shall pass.”

I would also say: “Stop worrying about what other people think, and do what she feels is right for you and your child. Accept more help from your husband.

“And you are much, much stronger than you think.”

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If you’d like to nominate a first-time mother living outside of the United States to be featured here, please send an e-mail to: get[dot]msmack [at] gmail [dot] com.

Global Mamas: France

We’re profiling one mother from every country on the planet. (Current tally: 8 down, 184 countries to go!)

Meet Irene Nam. She’s a 34-year-old photographer and writer born and raised in Paris, France, where she currently lives with her husband and twin sons, Sean and Will, 10. She speaks three languages: French, Korean — fluently — and English. “I learned English in junior and high school,” she says, “so I speak it with a French accent.” Can it get more international (or cuter!) than that?

Irene’s images have appeared in various print and online publications, and on exhibit at the Fotofest Gallery in Houston and the Impossible Project Space in New York City. You may view some of her work on her site Irene Nam Photography.

A social change enthusiast, Irene works with non-profit organizations to help improve the quality of life, education and the future of children around the world.

Here’s her story …

Photo by Irene Nam

Life before baby …
I had just graduated from film school, was an intern at a production company and was adjusting myself to married life.

My ideas about motherhood …
I didn’t really think about it, but I did have many preconceived ideas and notions about motherhood. I grew up in a dysfunctional family and my parents divorced when I was 12, but for some reason I thought that being a mother was something that I would be really, really good at. I know … what was I thinking?

And while I was pregnant, I stuck with that idea. I would get tons of advice from other mothers, but mostly on what car seat or stroller to purchase rather than how to prepare myself for the biggest change of my life. I guess before you have your first child it is impossible to anticipate things like sleep deprivation or the transformation of body and mind that accompanies becoming a mother.

Then came the babies …
When I found out we were having twins, I giggled. Just laughed compulsively. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the news. It was just surreal. And then the doctor started to explain to me what carrying twins implies: that it was a high-risk pregnancy and that losing one of the twins could be a possibility. That was my first scared thought.

Everything changed the day my sons were born. The first few months were really, really intense. But my husband and I learned, we made mistakes, we tried harder, every day. (And next month our sons will be 10!)

I think the biggest change was the profound sense of meaning that I got imbued with the moment they appeared, and understanding that my whole world would now revolve around them.

The most challenging part of motherhood …
Preadolescence! So far, the most challenging part of motherhood has been giving my sons opportunities to make their own decisions all while fully loving and accepting them as they are, no matter what choices they make for themselves.

On balancing work and life …
When my sons were 2, I started a part-time job as an assistant to the editor-in-chief for a fashion magazine. My boss was very understanding and office hours were flexible, but work was stressful and my husband was often traveling for business. So after a little more than a year, I decided to quit. I started a personal blog a few months after that and was offered a job opportunity as a contributing writer for ParentDish (formerly Blogging Baby). That was seven years ago, and I have been working from home ever since.

It’s not always easy, and some days are definitely harder than others. I know the guilt. I know the frustration. But I’m very grateful to be able to do work that I love and be there for my sons when they come home from school.

The best part about raising a child in France …
The health care system and the education that my sons have access to, as well as the variety of arts and nationalities that they are regularly exposed to.

France provides a good environment for raising children in terms of  childcare, too. In France, mothers can take up to a three-year parental leave from their job, but most don’t and instead go back to work after a couple of months. Given the opportunity and more financial benefits, I think a lot of mothers would choose to stay home longer .

As a young stay-at-home mom, one of the things that kept me sane during the first few years was the PMI (Protection Maternelle et Infantile), a health center for new mothers and children under 6. Every city has one. And it wasn’t just the fact that I could see a pediatrician, gynecologist and even a therapist for free, it was about having a safe place where I could ask all the questions I wanted and express my frustration, anxiety and sense of inadequacy without being afraid to be judged or criticized. Being able to spend a few hours there every week has been a tremendous help.

The parts I wished were different …

• Only a few mothers make the decision to quit their job and stay home full-time to take care of their child. And it’s not an easy decision. Stay-at-home mothers are still stereotyped here as women with no ambition, little or no education, and/or married to a man with a large income. And stay-at-home fathers are a rarity.
• The most challenging part is being Korean (my parents were first-generation immigrants while my husband was born and raised in South Korea) and facing the many expectations and preconceived ideas that both the French society and the Korean community have.
• I wish sports and the arts were more valued at school and children given more opportunities to do what they love and are most passionate about. French kids go to school on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday from 8.30am to 4.30pm. I believe it’s the world’s longest school day. They have Wednesday off for activities such as music, dance and sport. This is a very exhausting, unbalanced schedule for children as young as 4.
• I also wish there were more programs for children to do some volunteer work at school, in their communities, etc.

Best piece of advice I ever heard …
You can have it all, just not at the same time.

If we could jump into a DeLorean and race back in time …
I would tell myself: “You’re not perfect, life is not perfect, you’ll screw up at times and you know what? It’s okay! Also, enjoy now. Because what they say is true, they do grow up too fast.”

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If you’d like to nominate a first-time mother living outside of the United States to be featured here, please send an e-mail to: get[dot]msmack [at] gmail [dot] com.

Global Mama: Trinidad

We’re profiling one mother from every country on the planet. (Current tally: 7 down, 185 countries to go!)

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Meet Gillian Bruce, a single mom who came our way through our “calling out” post from some months ago. She was nominated as a Global Mama by one of her dear friends who reads this blog. Bruce, 44, lives in in Pointe-A-Pierre, Trinidad, where she’s raising her 5-year-old daughter Thandiwe. A lover of languages (she holds an MA in French Language and Literature and speaks German and Spanish), Bruce is a French teacher at a secondary school in Trinidad.

Here’s her story …

Life before baby …
Before having my daughter, I had my life and it was all mine. I am a free spirit, a very outgoing person. I love hanging out with my friends, having a good time, traveling, and doing things on the spur of the moment. I would go to clubs, parties and dance all night without a care in the world, now I go to birthday parties and play dates and parks and play centers and get home early to put my daughter to bed.

My ideas about motherhood …
Pregnancy and motherhood have always fascinated me. Being a part of bringing life into the world is just such an amazing and wondrous thing to me. I’ve wanted children since I can remember. I would look at pregnant women and women with babies and I couldn’t wait for my turn to be pregnant, proudly carrying this child, and finally bringing this life to birth. It is such an ethereal, spiritual experience.

My plan was to have my first baby at 21, and then to have at least 3 more, but of course, life does not always follow our script and sometimes God has other plans.

I started working straight out of secondary school. At 28, I left my job and Trinidad to attend Howard University in Washington DC to pursue a BA in French. After graduating Summa Cum Laude, I went on to do an MA in French Literature and Language and lecture at the university Then taught for a year at a high school in DC.

Having accomplished that goal I returned to Trinidad intending to settle down and start a family. That was easier said than done! Again life went contrary to my script. I left for England where I spent just over 2 years working and exploring. By the time I returned home to Trinidad, I was 38, and I determined that it was either a baby or a PhD. I chose the baby.

Then came Thandiwe …
She has changed everything. From the time they placed her in my arms, I just melted. Love took on a new meaning. I understood it fully now.

The biggest change, though, was adjusting to the fact that it isn’t just me anymore. I’m not as free to come and go as I please. I think the fact that I lived and totally enjoyed life made this transition that much easier for me, because now I don’t feel as though I am missing out on anything.

I did not gain much weight during my pregnancy; my doctor even joked with me and said I was lucky. But then I actually began losing weight. And after extensive testing, I was diagnosed with colon cancer at 28 weeks. It was a total shock.

I was seeing three doctors could not agree on what course of action to take. The gastroenterologist kept saying that the tumor needed to come out immediately. My OB/GYN was saying that there was no way that I was going to have surgery because I was 28 weeks pregnant. Then there was the surgeon who was just trying to marry the two, get the tumor out as soon as possible without hurting me or my baby.

Eventually the decision was made to induce labor early, let me have my baby, give me a few days to rest and then do the surgery to remove the tumor. Thankfully both the delivery and surgery were successful and here we are today—me and my daughter, both well and strong!

The most awesome part is, had I not been pregnant at that time, the tumor would not have been discovered in its early stages. It probably would have just remained there quietly until it was too late to do anything. Thandi is my precious, miracle baby. When I say that she is my life, I know all too well what I mean!

The most challenging part of motherhood …
We live in a world filled with contradictions and hatred, intolerance and insensitivity. This presents the greatest challenge for me as a mother. How do I raise a respectful, honourable, kind, compassionate child with a strong sense of self? How do I help her to become a productive member of society making a positive contribution in the world?

The best part about raising a child in Trinidad …
Most of my family is here and the others always come home. Even with all its ills and issues, Trinidad still holds basic family values very dear. We know that families are important because they nurture, and they pass on values that are so very important to our very survival. Children still have aunties and uncles that are not blood relatives but parents’ good friends or people from the community or local church.

That and the beautiful weather here!

The parts I wished were different …

• There are no resources or services with parents and children in mind, no support groups, such as for new parents or single parents.
• Play groups are not a popular concept. I would have welcomed such opportunities to share experiences and advice with other parents.
• There aren’t any services that necessarily make motherhood any easier in Trinidad. I’m fortunate that I have my mother, sisters, aunts, and friends around, always willing to offer support and advice—both solicited and unsolicited.
• Breast feeding is encouraged, and mothers are free to nurse their babies whenever and wherever the need arises, but a lot of women opt to bottle-feed because of having to return to work, or selfishly to retain their figure, or because it is the fashionable thing to do right now.

Best piece of advice I ever heard …
I read this somewhere: “No one knows your child better than you do. Always go with your gut feeling and trust your instincts.”

If we could jump into a DeLorean and race back in time …
I would say “Gillian, Thandi is healthy, happy and beautiful. Everything is going well, so stop worrying and take it one day at a time. Also, get as much rest as you can and prepare yourself, this is going to be a long journey. An enjoyable one, but a long one where you’ll need to be alert and energized.”

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If you want to nominate a first-time mother living outside of the United States to be featured here, please send an e-mail to: get[dot]msmack [at] gmail [dot] com.