The Confab: Put a Label On It

I first read about Julie Cole,  co-founder of the successful company Mabel’s Labels, while flipping through a Canadian magazine some time ago. Of course I did a mental earmark because not only is Julie a smart, successful woman from my homeland, but she is also the mother of — ready? — six children under the age of 11. Wanting to find out much more about this Canuck Wonder Woman, I reached out to Julie through that helpful little blue bird, and she happily agreed to spend some time in The Confab.

And we’re glad that we quickly got in line to chat with her because People magazine just featured her in its celebrity baby blog this week! In that post, Julie offers 5 Tips to Help Keep School Mornings Sane.

Here,  we talk to the working mama about making the impressive leap from lawyer to entrepreneur and how she keeps her busy bee life buzzing.  Plus! You know how we do …  there is, of course, a giveaway. Details at the end of the post.

Photos by Julie Cole

Q: How did the idea for Mabel’s Labels come to mind and then to its fruition?

Julie Cole: My business partners and I noticed a product missing from the market. People were labeling their children’s belongings with masking tape and permanent marker. We knew that we could do better than that. We went to work in hopes of creating a durable and incredibly cute line of labels. Our labels are dishwasher, microwave and laundry safe.

Q: What led you to actually start a business? Was there a moment in your life as a lawyer that made you look towards the entrepreneurial path?

JC: We had the product idea, but the catalyst was when my eldest child was diagnosed with autism. I knew that in order to set up his ABA program and advocate for him, I would need a more flexible work life. The traditional workforce was left behind, and started my way down that entrepreneurial path!

Q: You’re a mom of — let me catch my breath before I say this — SIX children. Was there a point where you thought you couldn’t pull this off — this being a business woman, an entrepreneur and an involved mother?

JC: Strangely, not really. I’ve always been the kind of person who functions best with a whole lot on my plate. I’m the perfect example of “if you want to get something done, ask a busy person to do it.” I work hard to strike some balance in life, and when things seem a bit off, I make some adjustments. I try not to complain about things, but rather fix them.

Q: For so many of us, attempting to take on something as big as launching our own business leaves us feeling intimidated, petrified and like we’re putting our families in second place. What words of wisdom would you offer to other mothers who are considering a big life/career shift, but cannot move past the “it’ll never work” voice in their heads to take the first step?

JC: That first step is a biggie — no question. Entrepreneurs have to be risk-takers, so if you are risk-averse, this might not be the path for you. But we all get scared and worry about balancing our work and family lives. What has worked for me is the flexibility that comes with owning my own business. However, flexibility doesn’t get my work done for me. I may be able to go on an afternoon playdate or attend a school play, but I will be on my laptop at midnight — and that is exactly how I want it. I chose this path because I’ll happily be on my laptop at midnight if it means I greet my kids as they get off the school bus.

Q: We’ve spoken here before about what Tina Fey called the rudest question to ask a working mother: “How do you juggle it all?” But  I find the question more insightful than insolent. It helps others to hear what you’re doing — how you’re doing it — as you walk that tightrope between work and life. So … how do you do it? And what are some of your tips for keeping things moving forward at home and with the business?

JC: In the early days, I was slow to get extra help. It seemed counter-intuitive that I should have someone help me with the kids, since I started this business to be with the kids. I finally got a full-time nanny when my fifth child was a baby. I always say that I was about three kids too late making that decision!

Getting help is a sanity saver, and it means that when you’re with your kids, you can really be with them. I am now more productive at work and at home. The lesson there is: Don’t be afraid to get help.

My other tip  is having great perspective. If my kids don’t have veggies at dinner, I don’t beat myself up over it or feel guilty. No one has had scurvy yet! My legacy will not be that my house is the tidiest, and I’m good with that. So, actually,  my advice to other mothers is to lower your standards.

Q: How has motherhood influenced or changed the way you approach challenges in your business, relationships and life overall?

JC: Being a parent is the very reason my business got started. I’m not entirely sure how it has changed my daily interactions and my approach, except for the fact that all day long I’m smiling inside because of my six awesome little people!

Q: What’s the best advice you’ve developed for finding balance and getting closer to living your best life?

JC: Know your own needs. If you need “me time,” take it. You also have to know what amount of time at home versus work makes you  happiest. Some women are better moms when they are away from their kids during the day, and some moms shine when they are home with their kids all the time. Know yourself and how you function best,  and that will make you a better mom and a happier person.

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For more on Julie Cole, check out her blogs at The Mabelhood and The Baby Machine. You may also follow her on twitter @juliecole.

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Giveaway time! Most of you have been deep in Back-to-School shopping for a good few weeks now.  So, thanks to Julie and Mabel’s Labels, we’re helping things along. One lucky MMM reader will receive this –> Ultimate Back-to-School Combo! The combo is valued at $42. This giveaway is open to residents of Canada and the US. And to be entered to win, all you have to do is leave a comment below. Tell us the story about the one thing you most regret losing . (See? Now, if you had a Mabel’s Label on that thing … )

Leave your comment below and a winner will be randomly selected. We will announce the winner (and post their story) in two weeks — September 20.

The Confab: Get It Together

Parents. We’re one busy lot. Seems like something’s always going on or about to start all over again.  As a result, some regular home care things get pushed to the side and soon starts stacking up to the point where we’re living in our own secret mess pile. Granted, it’s not as bad as Hoarders, but a mini-intervention wouldn’t hurt.

Many parents can’t even figure you how they inherited the clutter. It’s all about toys and diaper boxes strewn about. There’s just a lot of stuff shoved into already-packed closets and stacked on nearly every flat, hard surface. To get some answers — and non-finger-wagging help — we deferred to the experts …

Meet Jen M.R. Doman, founder and president of Get It Together!, a home, office and estate organization company out of Brooklyn, NY. She knows the way to a cleaner tomorrow. [Plus! You know how we do here in The Confab. Be sure to read to the end of the post for a fun surprise. Indeed … a giveaway!]

Q: There’s a lot of shame and judgment when it comes to folks trying to get their homes in order. What’s the first step towards getting a handle on the clutter?

Jen M.R. Doman: Pick a day of the week to handle the tough stuff.  Everyone has a day of the week they like the least. Use that day to go through just one stack of papers. You don’t have to move mountains –but molehills, you can do!  Initially spend no more than 30 minutes going through these items, deciding what should be filed and what should be tossed. After a few 30-minute sessions, start spending one hour of one day going through one stack. This is very manageable.

If you’re a parent of slightly older children:

• Have a conversation with your children about why you think your home will be more harmonious if it was organized.
• Ask your children for their organizational suggestions. This will help them to start thinking differently about their relationship to their things.

Other good ideas for parents:

• Remove bedroom carpeting. With a bare floor, the kids can be more responsible by sweeping the room themselves which is a lot easier than pushing a vacuum around.
• Use dressers in closets. For younger children, the majority of their clothes do not need to be hung. A dresser will allow for more storage and will free up floor space in the bedroom area.
• Consider replacing closet doors with curtains. If the door is too heavy or the knob too high, children will become less independent re: accessing their things.
• Artistically label drawers and bins. This will help your children become more organized.
• Compliment your children when they’ve done a good job.

Also, create a central landing zone in one area of your home for all family members. Keys, incoming mail, stamps, gloves and hats, dog leashes … these are items that at some point every member of the family will need to use. It will save time if everyone knows where exactly to go to get these items versus searching in a general for where they “think” the items may be.

Q: Someone might read all of this from you and think that you were simply born this way — neat, organized, on point. Is that true? What’s your advice for the Messy Martha, the woman who can’t seem to get her stuff together no matter how many issues of Real Simple she collects?

JD: I am actually very organized, but — trust me — this is not rocket science. A anyone can learn to be organized. What’s the first step?  Strategize like an athlete. Using a stop watch or by setting the kitchen stove clock, time how long it takes you to get your children prepped for school, make dinner or complete an ongoing monthly project at work. Are you satisfied with the timing or is there a way to shave some valuable time off of these tasks?

Step two: Create an organizational timeline. Be specific about what must be done, and give yourself dates by which each task will be completed. Check off each completed duty. Over time you will see your progress.

Q: If you had to pick one, which room of the home should be at the top of the “Get it Together” list? Why?

The first room of the home that should be organized is the kitchen. A disorganized kitchen effects everything else. In a chaotic kitchen your nutritional intake is compromised, which means your health is compromised which means your daily behavior is compromised. Get the kitchen together first!

Q: What’s the first thing to do when trying to organize and de-clutter the kitchen?

JD: Declare your intention to get your space organized. Be clear with yourself about what you want to accomplish and why. Write a list outlining each task that must be fulfilled — from re-organizing your kitchen to transforming your desk area. Don’t consider any task too small to list. Create an organizational timeline. Be specific about what must be done, and give yourself dates by which each task will be completed. Check off each completed duty.

Q: Is there a way to fake it ’til you make it when it comes to home organization?

JD: In a word …  no. I’m not into faking anything.

Q: What are your five Dos for de-cluttering, clearing out and cleaning up?

JD: Do realize that your space did not become disorganized overnight, so unless you call in a professional, it’s going to take some time to get it organized.

Do know that your space is going to look worse before it will look better.

Do have an in box and an out box for incoming and outgoing mail. All junk mail and catalogues you don’t need/want should immediately make their way to the recycling bin.

Do stay focused on one area and work in that area for 20 minutes and then stop for a short break.

Do not go out to purchase bins upon bins and tons of “supplies” until you’re done with the organizational process and can accurately access exactly what you need in terms of storage.

Q: So, basically, back away from the local Container Store?

JD: I’d strongly suggest that we all stay away from buying items until after the organizational process is over. Most Americans already have what they need, sometimes they have duplicates! The problem is that the items are in excess or they’re not being used properly.

There are just three things that you need to get organized: time, garbage bags and a label maker. That’s it! Really.

Remember, you wouldn’t run a marathon without first seeing if you could handle a run around your block. So don’t overwhelm yourselves with the task when you start the organizational process. You will get it together.

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Definitely holler at Jen M.R. Doman, over at Get It Together! for more tips to help you get organized.

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Giveaway! This time you’ve got a choice. One reader will win either a one-year subscription to Real Simple magazine OR a $25 gift card for The Container Store (just make sure, as Jen recommends, you hit the store after the organizational process is over). And all you have to do is share your best cleaning tip or trick.

I’ll start: Consider using vinegar and water as a general household cleaner. It saves you moola and it’s greener than any Mr. Clean product you’ll find on the shelves. Now, it’s your turn! Tell us what you know in the comments below and you’ll be entered to win a Container Store gift card or a Real Simple subscription. Pretty neat deal, yes?

The Confab: The Beauty of Different

If you’ve read this blog even a few times, you’ve probably heard me rave about Karen Walrond and her wonderful, award-winning photoblog Chookooloonks. Karen is a former engineer and a non-practicing attorney. That’s the long way of saying: This woman’s hella smart. She’s also funny, insightful and — as she’ll often tell you — wildly convinced that you (yes, you) are simply beautiful.

Last fall, Karen published her first book The Beauty of Different: Observations of a Confident Misfit. It’s this marvelous collection of her photography and essays, all with the overriding message that “what makes us different makes us beautiful.” I’m absolutely delighted to have my friend (tee-hee!) Karen here as a guest in The Confab to share her unique and heartening words about beautiful, beautiful us. All of us.

And, in what’s becoming a fabulous trend in The Confab, be sure to read to the end of the post for a lovely surprise. Oh, you know it … Giveaway!

Q: Beauty. It’s a tremendous concept, with so many pockets and layers. We all have such varied ideas about what beauty is. You maintain that we are all beautiful. Different and extraordinary and beautiful. How did you come to this conviction? Is it something you’ve always felt to be true?

Karen Walrond: No, definitely not.  As an immigrant, when I came to the United States during middle school, my family moved to a very homogenous neighbourhood, where I didn’t look like anyone else.  I was convinced that someone who looked like me could never be beautiful.  Furthermore, because of my accent and my culture, I believed that  the only way I could possibly ever be considered “beautiful” would be to go back to my tiny island homeland of Trinidad.

It wasn’t until I was much older — well into adulthood — I started to realize that, in fact, we are generally all intrigued by people who are different from us, despite what our middle-school selves might have had us believe when we were younger.  Furthermore, I understood that even in communities where everyone seemed alike, the truth was that each person actually feels different — and might even spend an extraordinary amount of time trying to hide that difference, in order to “fit in”!  The incongruity of this — the intrigue with “different,” while at the same time trying to hide your own differences — fascinated me.  I wondered what would happen if people took the time to view and reframe the things that made them different as actually sources of their own beauty, and created their stories as such?  And this provided me the inspiration to write and photograph my book.

Q: Mothers, especially the new-to-the-games ones, are quick to tell you that they have chucked their “beauty routines” aside. That they don’t have time for makeup or, in many cases, hairstyles outside of a ponytail. They just don’t feel the beauty, so to speak. What would you tell those women about defining and refining their “beauty”?

KW: Well, first of all, I would suggest that if a woman’s idea of her own beauty is primarily formed by comparing themselves to fashion and “beauty” magazines, then that’s a habit that she probably needs to readdress, new mother or not!  I really think that there are two types of “beauty” — the kind that magazines and the media try to establish to sell product (and incidentally, this concept of beauty changes with every passing fad), and real beauty, which is the kind that viscerally moves you, that you can’t define, but you know it when you’re in the presence of it.  I think we’ve all experienced being moved by someone who we thought was beautiful — a grandmother, perhaps, or a child, or even a stranger — and often, very little of what has moved us is related in any way to fashion-magazine-beauty.  Given this, logic dictates that we are all capable of great and real beauty.

And so, I would say to all women, not just new mothers, that it behooves us to think about when we feel our most beautiful, our most true, and let that dictate our definition and refinement of our beauty.  For some of us, this feeling of being beautiful will simply require our routine to be a hot shower, a cup of tea and two moments of silence.  For others, it might mean getting lost in a piece of music.  For others, it might mean a great haircut and lipstick.  Or going for a run.  Whatever.  But ultimately, we get to decide what “beauty” means.  As a friend of mine (who I feature in my book) says, we should create our own stories — don’t let other people create them for us.

Q: If you had to boil it down to three key lessons that you’ve learned about yourself – about life in general – from motherhood, what would they be?

1. I’m more like my mom and dad than I’d like to admit.
2. And even given No. 1, in a lot of ways I’m a lot more laid back of a parent than I thought I would be.
3. Nobody’s perfect — even if they look like it.  Also, we’re going to screw up as parents, because we’re human.  The point, I think, is to simply try our very best, and then let go of the rest.

Q:  Photographer is a major part of your identity. How has photography influenced you as a mother? And on the flip side, how has being a parent changed/enhanced your photography?

KW: I can’t say that photography has “influenced” me as a mother, nor has being a parent changed my photography, other than my daughter is often a willing subject!  Photography is something I’d been doing for myself way before the birth of my daughter, and has been a part of my identity for a long time.  If anything, photography is something that I do in parallel with all other parts of my identity, like being a wife or a mother.  Photography is all about me and for me.  I think it’s important to have something that you do that is all for you, and for me, photography is that thing.

Q: You have a lovely, 7-year-old daughter, Alex. In these times of beauty warfare – eating disorders, low self-esteem, bullying, 5-year-olds thinking they need plastic surgery, Barbie doll ideals, girls devaluing themselves and taking their misguided cues from what’s happening around them, etc. – what do you hope you to pass on to your girl child? What sensibility are hoping you can help her develop?

KW: I think Alex is starting to realize that the things that make her different are the sources of her beauty — of course, since that message has been my work for the past couple of years, it’s hard for her to escape it!  Unfortunately, it is starting to backfire:  when she asked me to take her to Chuck E. Cheese and I made a face, she said, “Mom, remember: the beauty of different — just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s not beautiful!”

Q: Following that up, do you have any advice or measured suggestions for other mothers raising daughters, concerned about all they will face striving for “beauty”… to be seen as beautiful?

KW: Keep fighting the good fight, man.  In my case, I point out beauty wherever I see it — in girls, in boys, in men, in women, regardless of age or size or race or ability — I’m constantly pointing to what I consider beautiful to my daughter.  I would say I do this daily.  The truth is, our daughters are going to face a lot of societal pressure about what beautiful is, and as parents, we just have to work hard to counter that.  Plus, I think if your daughter sees you responding to beauty out in the real world that looks different from what the magazines describe is beautiful, she’s more likely to believe you when you tell her she’s beautiful, and she’s feeling vulnerable:  it won’t feel like you’re “just saying that” because your her mom.  She’ll have seen you respond to beauty in all forms before, and she’ll believe your sincerity, you know?

But of course, I’m learning just like we all are.  We all just need to do our best.

Q: In your book, The Beauty of Different, there’s a chapter where you talk about heartbreak. Within that there’s a great story called “One Good Thing,” that is essentially about taking a moment to pause – even (or especially) when your life feels seems like it’s in utter shambles – and be thankful for something good in your life or your day. The Confab is about talking to wise folks, having them share indispensable advice to help us all take another step towards living our best lives. Authentically upgrading ourselves. With that in mind, what is “one good thing” that you can share with us?

KW: Well, of course “one good thing” changes for everyone, and it can be a big thing or a small thing.  Right now, the “one good thing” that comes to mind is that I just finished a delicious lunch of vegetable potstickers, and I’m about to make myself a cup of hot tea.  Both of those are very Good Things!

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For more on Karen, read her blog Chookooloonks. Do find 2:44 minutes to sit still and ponder Karen’s empirical proof that we’re all indeed beautiful.

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Giveaway time! One special reader will win an autographed copy of Karen’s bestselling book, The Beauty of Different, and all you have to do is leave a comment on the most beautiful thing about you and  … c’est tout. Now that’s a handsome deal, folks. (We’ll randomly select a winner next week.)

The Confab: Upgraded Style

I’ve known Sharon Pendana for more than 15 years. She still looks at me with a twinkly “you were just a baby” look in her eye. And I still look at her, marveling at her intrinsic sense of style and undeniable grace. For Sharon, it’s not just about the hot, new looks coming down the runway. She’s a student of fashion—the history and science of it—and continues to weave her aesthetic into even the smallest detail.

Smart, talented and always kind, Sharon joins The Confab to share some of her fashion sense.
[Ed. note: Read on ... there's a lovely surprise at the end of the post. Hint: Giveaway!]

Photo by Frederick V. Nielsen II

A truly stylish woman takes the elements she has to create a heady brew all her own. ~Stylist Sharon Pendana

Q: We’re a busy people, we women. And moms are usually juggling nine things at once. Personal style and fashion tend to get moved to the back burner. Many new moms stick to fleece, sweats and yoga pants. What are some baby steps new moms can take to reclaim—or even find—their style?

Sharon Pendana: New moms want comfort for sure, but with new found loss of personal time, their fashion also needs to be easy.  Fortunately that doesn’t have to mean frumpy.  Save the workout gear for actually working out. For trips to the pediatrician, the market or just out to get some fresh air, squeeze in a bit of the attention you paid to the pre-baby you:

• A tailored anorak over a tissue tee, chinos and ballet flats (add arch-supporting insoles for comfort) is hands down, a more polished, yet easy look for Spring than your old trusty tracksuit.  Push up the sleeves and pop on a bold cuff. Instant chic! (Clockwise below: Navy jacket, Simply Vera Vera Wang; butter chinos, J.Crew; melon flats, Cole Haan; striped tee, Madewell.)

• Invest in a simple, modern, wear-with-everything diaper bag.  You’ll be carrying it, not the baby, so forgo cutesy animals and predictable pale pink or blue. (Below: Skip Hop “Studio” diaper tote.)

Q: Over the many years of working everything from high fashion to round-the-way girl chic, what have you found to be the staples of a woman’s wardrobe? Obviously you can’t see into all of our closets, but what items should be on everyone’s general style checklist?

SP: My Lucky Seven for every woman’s wardrobe:

• A properly fitted bra. It is considered a “foundation” garment, as in the foundation for your look. Everything looks better, and you stand taller when your bra fits just-so. Pregnancy and nursing can create major fluctuations in bra size and it’s best to be fitted by a bra specialist.  Oprah-approved chain, Intimacy has “bra fit stylists” in more than a dozen US cities.  Most major department stores offer this service as well.

• White shirt. Crisp and long-sleeved it can be worn year-round, dressed up or down.
  (Below: Jones New York No-Iron Easy Care Classic White Fitted Shirt)

Photo by Robert Tardio

• Wrap dress: Diane Von Furstenburg hit the nail on the head. Flattering to most women’s bodies, it looks great, is easy-to-wear and it allows quick nursing access. If your mid-section is more ample than your bustline, I recommend an a-line dress which drapes softly at the neck and shoulder, floating over the body to the knee.

• Peak-lapel pantsuit. The peaks have an elongating effect. Keep the lines simple, no time-dating details, and it can be worn forever as a suit or as separates. Black, navy or grey will be most versatile.

• Dark wash jeans. The fabric de Nimes, may have its roots in France, but has found its way into the wardrobes of women around the world, and is certainly ingrained in American culture. Deep indigo belies the humble origins and gives jeans a polish not found in lighter washes.  Proper fit is key, too tight and they appear vulgar, too loose and they appear dowdy.  Let’s take back the meaning of mom jeans, ladies.

• A figure-flattering black skirt. For some that would be a pencil skirt which skims the body, for others, an a-line which floats out, creating balance for a generous hip. Keep the hemline mid-knee or just below, a length which flatters most.

• A piece of jewelry you love.  Whether it was bought with your first bonus, a gift from your sweetie, made by your child or snagged on a fabulous vacation, one piece that truly has personal resonance will be a joy to wear.

Q: Whether you’re a new mother or one who’s been at it a few years, having kids means money. Spending it, to be clear. What do you recommend for the mom who’s trying to find her fashion “self” without losing her wallet in the process?

SP: Fashion is becoming increasingly democratized and therefore accessible.  A woman in a small midwest town has the same opportunity to view the collections of Fashion Week as the editor of her favorite fashion magazine simply by clicking onto Style.com.  Et Voila! Front row images. After getting a sense of the emerging trends for the season, she can find similar looks for less by shopping the many designer collaborations with mass market retailers.

If the woman-friendly pieces of OMO Norma Kamali, for example are cost-prohibitive, Norma Kamali for Walmart offers the NK sensibility at a fraction of the cost, usually around $20 per piece.  Target has for years now provided a constantly updated roster of affordable designer fashion from such stalwarts as Issac Mizrahi and emerging design stars like Thakoon and Rodarte through their GO International collection.  Kohl’s Simply Vera Vera Wang has chic updates on classic items with easy elegance and figure-flattering elements like long cardigans and slim (not skinny) jeans.

Q: Function over fashion has been the motto of many smart women. But this doesn’t have to mean sporting sneakers and cargo pants everywhere, right? What are some easy way to add some funky to function?

SP: Full-on GI Jane is not the route to take, however, there has been a resurgence of late of stylish, feminized cargo pants.  If you like cargos, rock them, but it’s all about balance and proportion. Every pocket need not be used—that’s what your handbag/diaper tote is for.

With a bit of heel (perhaps wedges for stability) the look becomes less soldier, more sexy new mom.  Look for details that will add some element of function (like the generous pockets on the previously mentioned anorak) without weighing you down.

And for the sneaker freak, you don’t need performance shoes for everyday, if you stick to classic styles with your casual clothing, you can’t go wrong.  Try the “Helen,” a fresh take on the time-honored Jack Purcell from Converse.

Q: Style isn’t just about clothing, right? Isn’t it a much larger experience? What are some other ways to spruce up your style that don’t necessarily involve adding clothes to your closet?

SP: A truly stylish woman takes the elements she has to create a heady brew all her own.

• Have you recently cut off your Rapunzel locks? Those earrings that have been obscured by your hair suddenly look bold and fresh.
• A chicly neutral sheath dress gets an injection of wow with a pop of vivid color in a scarf, a strand of beads collected in your travels or a bright waist cincher.
• Replace the frayed band on Dad’s large wristwatch with grosgrain for the perfect masculine/feminine melange.
• Refit Grandma’s fab handmade Italian eyeglasses with dark lenses for instant vintage glamour.
• Revamp your beauty regimen with a visit to your favorite cosmetic counter and try a new look—going softer if you always have a full “face” or ramp it up if you go au naturel.

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For more on Sharon and her fashionable eye, read her blog pendulum.

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Giveaway Alert! That’s right. We’ve got more goodies for you here in The Confab. One lucky MMM reader will win The Style Checklist: The Ultimate Wardrobe Essentials For You by our longtime friend and America’s favorite “Style Guy” Lloyd Boston. Sharon served as Lloyd’s trusty style editor for the book, so you can see her handy, dandy work, too.

All you have to do is leave a comment here or on MMM’s Facebook Page about your ultimate style essential. Maybe it’s the funky purple pen, your signature sunglasses or a perfect-fit, white Tee—tell us what says style to you, and you could walk off with Lloyd’s fine, fine book. Free!